She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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