so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
