So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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