i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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