When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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