i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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