he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
