i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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