I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
