walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
