he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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