My room smells like vodka and shame
i jhust puked up my retainher.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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