my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
