I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
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The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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