i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
