Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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