I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
