discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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