Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
