Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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