My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
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The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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