She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
