Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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