she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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