He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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