coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
