I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's how pantless uber rides happen
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
