she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
