I want to stick my p in your. b.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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