my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
