I want to have your abortion
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
