I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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