While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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