sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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