The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
