She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
