i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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