She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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