I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
