I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
