when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
