Michael Bay diarrhea
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
