who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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