I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
