Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
His nipple licking is glorious
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