I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
