note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
