Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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