my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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