Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
