I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
