Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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