Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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