chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize