i came on her dog
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
