Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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