she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
