I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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