You just made me feel so damn special
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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