Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
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I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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