Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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