Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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