if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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