what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
