Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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