Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
