pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
