I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
