2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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