I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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