If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
