checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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