I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Randomize
