Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
