I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
