sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
