i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
