I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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