I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
third nipple confirmed
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
