I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
