i barfeds in our rink
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
