Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
