My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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