her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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