Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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