maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
