You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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