i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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