So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
