let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
